Wedding Vows

I attended a wedding a couple weeks ago. It was beautiful. The bride's gown was elegant -- off-white with champagne accents. The groom was glowing, decked out in a black tux for his special day. Little white lights flickered above the wedding party as they gathered under a pavilion near a small lake. Like I said, it was a beautiful wedding.

I was one of the photographers for the special event. As a photographer, I try to focus on raw emotion, not stiff poses. I want natural reactions. I want life. I want reality.

Which leads me to the reason for this post.

When my husband and I were planning our marriage and our marriage ceremony, we spent hours in prayer. We attended pre-marriage counseling and asked veteran couples for advice. We went over budgets and developed a Plan A and Plan B for our financial future. We discussed children -- not just whether to have them and how many, but childrearing and our beliefs on the matter.

For the actual ceremony, we chose our songs with care -- as musicians, we wanted music that spoke volumes about our love for each other and, ultimately, our love for God. We decided to have communion before we said our vows, with the song I walked down the aisle to still playing as we symbolically showed our friends and family the rightful place God would have in our lives and in our marriage -- first. (For those of you who are interested, the song was "More than Life" (Hillsong) and we had communion during the bridge: how can it be you were the one on the cross who died for me, lifted for all my shame, how can it be the scars in your hands are for me, you are the king of all.)

Possibly our greatest focus, however, was on our vows. Neither of us wanted the traditional vows. Yes, we both want to honor and cherish, in sickness and health, etc. The thing is, though, all those things come down to one simple thought: we have a responsibility to God for each other.

Yes, wives, we are responsible to God for how we treat and respect our husbands. We're responsible for any attitudes and actions we contribute to in the relationship. We're responsible for our husbands' spiritual welfare -- if he goes through a time when he's not as close to God as he should be, we should pray for him and show him God's love (without nagging or pointing out his deficiencies). We are to accept and support him as head of the household, acknowledging the heavy responsibility he carries before God in this respect.

And husbands, you're responsible for loving your wives. God has given you DIRECT responsibility for your home -- your wife, your children, any guests who visit. Scripture describes you as the "priest" of your home. This means you hold the heaviest responsibility when it comes to spiritual matters. Loving your wife and being her priest takes effort and prayer and wisdom. It means there is no room for selfish ambition. It means your main focus MUST be on your responsibilities. Mistakes in this respect can have eternal repercussions -- not just for you, but for your family as well.

While Mark and I researched these responsibilities throughout scripture, we were a little overwhelmed by how demanding God is when it comes to marriage. We actually stepped back and evaluated our willingness to take on such heavy responsibility. We were forced to realize our marriage could not be built around romantic feelings and ideals -- we were responsible to God for each other. This meant we had to make extreme commitments.

Obviously, Mark and I decided to accept these responsibilities. We wrote our vows to reflect this acceptance -- "Do you accept the responsibility God has given you . . .?" Our vows were short, but their meaning is eternal. When I am tired and sick due to my pregnancy, I can't tell Mark to leave me alone and talk to me later. If he needs to talk, I need to listen. I MUST realize the load he carries and I must do all I can to help him carry it. This usually just means I have to appreciate him. Oh, and respect him.

As for Mark, he works long hours to provide for our physical needs, then comes home and loves me completely. When I am out of line, he gently directs me without injuring me. He asks for my opinion and makes decisions based not only on how they will affect him, but on how they will affect me as well . . .

As I watched the wedding ceremony two weeks ago, I could only pray for the couple. I know from experience marriage isn't always beautiful and neat and fun. It is constant selflessness. And, most importantly, it is a daily commitment to God and each other.