That's right. Positive statement #2 is that my husband is loyal. He's loyal as my husband and my friend. He's loyal by fulfilling obligations to the best of his ability -- and prioritizing those obligations if the need arises.
Sometimes it seems like he can't make decisions quickly -- but that's not true. He just looks at the choices from as many angles as possible so he won't have to regret the choice he makes. Or so he won't have to end a friendship. He enters relationships with caution -- he doesn't want anyone to get hurt and he's a loyal friend once friendship is established. If he disagrees with a friend, it doesn't end the relationship. In fact, it often makes the bond stronger because he just focuses on the "agreements" and determines the friend is more important than the disagreed-on opinion.
I believe that's why he's so loyal: he gathers up a lot of good on a person so he can wade through the bad without building resentment. Bill calls it a "friend bank." Mark allows people to make lots of deposits, but doesn't charge too much interest on withdrawals!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Counting the days . . . Positive statements about my husband.
I'm counting the days 'til my challenge begins. I'm so excited to post wonderful things about my husband and I just can't wait. I think I'll get started a couple days early, though, because I may not take time to post anything for the first few days after Aidan gets here.
Most important wonderful thing about my husband: He values his relationship with God more than his relationship with me. Oddly enough, this makes our relationship stronger. The closer he gets to God, the closer he gets to me. It's really a win-win situation.
Most important wonderful thing about my husband: He values his relationship with God more than his relationship with me. Oddly enough, this makes our relationship stronger. The closer he gets to God, the closer he gets to me. It's really a win-win situation.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
My Husband's Better Than Yours
Maybe those are fighting words to some of you -- and they should be. I certainly intend for them to stir up at least some emotion on your part. But the sad truth remains that too often in our society, men and women alike belittle their spouses relentlessly.
In my case, I find myself using "a tone" with Mark -- and not a very nice one -- when I can't understand WHY he did something a particular way. In my vast wisdom, I see 100 better options for getting the job done. Or so I think.
For instance, Mark and I were trying to make a Christmas ornament for our friends. It was to be a gag gift, but that didn't matter to either of us. We wanted the ornament to be perfect. Mark began putting the ornament together in a way that made perfect sense to him. Because I didn't know his intentions, however, I judged his work by what I thought should be done. Before I thought about it, I asked, "You're doing it like that?" Not, "why are you doing it that way?" which still would have been inappropriate. Just a sarcastic question that should have been left unasked. After all, it really wasn't all that important.
Naturally, my tone upset Mark. I had used my words to make him feel inferior -- and it had worked. I immediately felt ashamed of myself, but the deed was done.
This is a scenario that gets played out too many times in my home. I'm not exactly sure why. The one thing I AM sure of is that I'm completely wrong.
Another way I see spouses putting each other down is by making each other the butt of a joke. I say "butt" because that is exactly what it is. Inevitably, humor at someone else's expense causes a terrible "smell" in a relationship. The "hearers" of the joke almost always think just a little less of the spouse being made fun of -- and the spouse who is making fun. After all, if I don't respect my spouse, why should anyone else? And the offended spouse may act as though the joke was funny, but deep inside one has to ask, "is this really what my husband/wife thinks about me?" And the damage is done.
I know a couple who rarely say anything truly positive about each other. The husband intentionally drags his wife into conversations (in public) which he KNOWS she has no idea about. Then when she asks a simple question, everyone else in the group will laugh. It's as though the husband finds some thrill in making his wife look stupid. Sometimes she doesn't understand what's going on, but there are other times when the look of hurt on her face is undeniable.
Before you feel too bad for the wife, though, let me say she has her share of flaws as well. I don't want anyone to recognize the couple I'm talking about, so I'll leave it at that. It just hurts me to see two people who supposedly love each other constantly tearing the other apart.
I think we as a society have forgotten that in marriage, a man and woman are no longer two separate beings. A man and his wife are ONE. Mark and I cannot be separated. If he hurts, I hurt. If he is happy, I am happy. So it just makes sense not to hurt each other. Doesn't it?
So I said all of that to say this: I challenge myself to post publicly at least one positive statement about Mark every day in 2009. I'll even take this challenge a step further and say, "I challenge you to say at least one positive thing about your spouse (or someone important to you if you aren't married) every day in 2009." Say it publicly. Make it a habit for the world to see. Build your spouse -- and, in consequence, yourself -- up on a daily basis. Just think what this one action can accomplish. I think it could be one of the keys to turning our marriages and society around and showing Christ to an ungodly world.
In my case, I find myself using "a tone" with Mark -- and not a very nice one -- when I can't understand WHY he did something a particular way. In my vast wisdom, I see 100 better options for getting the job done. Or so I think.
For instance, Mark and I were trying to make a Christmas ornament for our friends. It was to be a gag gift, but that didn't matter to either of us. We wanted the ornament to be perfect. Mark began putting the ornament together in a way that made perfect sense to him. Because I didn't know his intentions, however, I judged his work by what I thought should be done. Before I thought about it, I asked, "You're doing it like that?" Not, "why are you doing it that way?" which still would have been inappropriate. Just a sarcastic question that should have been left unasked. After all, it really wasn't all that important.
Naturally, my tone upset Mark. I had used my words to make him feel inferior -- and it had worked. I immediately felt ashamed of myself, but the deed was done.
This is a scenario that gets played out too many times in my home. I'm not exactly sure why. The one thing I AM sure of is that I'm completely wrong.
Another way I see spouses putting each other down is by making each other the butt of a joke. I say "butt" because that is exactly what it is. Inevitably, humor at someone else's expense causes a terrible "smell" in a relationship. The "hearers" of the joke almost always think just a little less of the spouse being made fun of -- and the spouse who is making fun. After all, if I don't respect my spouse, why should anyone else? And the offended spouse may act as though the joke was funny, but deep inside one has to ask, "is this really what my husband/wife thinks about me?" And the damage is done.
I know a couple who rarely say anything truly positive about each other. The husband intentionally drags his wife into conversations (in public) which he KNOWS she has no idea about. Then when she asks a simple question, everyone else in the group will laugh. It's as though the husband finds some thrill in making his wife look stupid. Sometimes she doesn't understand what's going on, but there are other times when the look of hurt on her face is undeniable.
Before you feel too bad for the wife, though, let me say she has her share of flaws as well. I don't want anyone to recognize the couple I'm talking about, so I'll leave it at that. It just hurts me to see two people who supposedly love each other constantly tearing the other apart.
I think we as a society have forgotten that in marriage, a man and woman are no longer two separate beings. A man and his wife are ONE. Mark and I cannot be separated. If he hurts, I hurt. If he is happy, I am happy. So it just makes sense not to hurt each other. Doesn't it?
So I said all of that to say this: I challenge myself to post publicly at least one positive statement about Mark every day in 2009. I'll even take this challenge a step further and say, "I challenge you to say at least one positive thing about your spouse (or someone important to you if you aren't married) every day in 2009." Say it publicly. Make it a habit for the world to see. Build your spouse -- and, in consequence, yourself -- up on a daily basis. Just think what this one action can accomplish. I think it could be one of the keys to turning our marriages and society around and showing Christ to an ungodly world.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Real Men Deserve Recognition
I spend a lot of time thinking about my son, Aidan. I am only six months pregnant, but already I am finding peace in the knowledge that my little boy has a godly father to lead him into manhood. Let me explain.
I have a wonderful husband. I respect and admire him more than I can say. I feel secure when he is near and trust him when he's elsewhere. I feel safe in his strength and protected by his gentle spirit.
He has proven himself to be more than willing and capable of leading our household spiritually. He is all man when it comes to cars and maintenance. He is willing to admit when he's wrong and makes efforts to correct himself. He is brilliant when it comes to matters of a scientific nature. He is not afraid of new challenges but looks at them from many angles and determines to face them head-on no matter the outcome. He is talented musically and strong physically. In other words, I think he's as close to the perfect man as you could find here on earth.
There are so many little boys (and age-grown men) who have no example to follow other than what they see on TV or witness when their mothers bring home strange male "friends." Or perhaps their role model is a man who abuses those he alledgedly loves. As a mother, my heart breaks for the boys who will never truly become men because no one is there to teach them.
I am so grateful my son has my husband to look up to and be proud of. I am thankful I don't have to worry my husband will mislead my little man spiritually or abuse him physically. I feel blessed to have found a man, a real man, who is overcoming the odds with fierce determination and is assuming his responsibilities as husband and father.
I have no grand idea to leave you with. I don't have anything inspiring to say. I just wanted to take the opportunity to tell everyone how amazing my husband is. I love you, Mark, and I thank God for you.
I have a wonderful husband. I respect and admire him more than I can say. I feel secure when he is near and trust him when he's elsewhere. I feel safe in his strength and protected by his gentle spirit.
He has proven himself to be more than willing and capable of leading our household spiritually. He is all man when it comes to cars and maintenance. He is willing to admit when he's wrong and makes efforts to correct himself. He is brilliant when it comes to matters of a scientific nature. He is not afraid of new challenges but looks at them from many angles and determines to face them head-on no matter the outcome. He is talented musically and strong physically. In other words, I think he's as close to the perfect man as you could find here on earth.
There are so many little boys (and age-grown men) who have no example to follow other than what they see on TV or witness when their mothers bring home strange male "friends." Or perhaps their role model is a man who abuses those he alledgedly loves. As a mother, my heart breaks for the boys who will never truly become men because no one is there to teach them.
I am so grateful my son has my husband to look up to and be proud of. I am thankful I don't have to worry my husband will mislead my little man spiritually or abuse him physically. I feel blessed to have found a man, a real man, who is overcoming the odds with fierce determination and is assuming his responsibilities as husband and father.
I have no grand idea to leave you with. I don't have anything inspiring to say. I just wanted to take the opportunity to tell everyone how amazing my husband is. I love you, Mark, and I thank God for you.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
What's Missing?
I am lonely. My husband hasn't come home from work yet and it's been a longer day than usual. I really miss him.
I don't really need to hear his voice, although that would be awesome. I just want him near me. I want to be able to look over and see him stretched out in our recliner. I want to smell him and hear his breathing. I want him to be near me because without him, I'm not complete. I just want him near me.
This is similar to how I feel about God at times. When I feel distant from Him, it's not necessarily that I "need a word." I just need to know we still have an intimacy no words can express. I want to be able to close my eyes and relax just knowing He's near me. I don't need Him to say He loves me -- I already know it and just want to be still in that knowledge. I want to enjoy the peace of knowing I'm complete because He is mine and I am His. I just want HIM.
I don't really need to hear his voice, although that would be awesome. I just want him near me. I want to be able to look over and see him stretched out in our recliner. I want to smell him and hear his breathing. I want him to be near me because without him, I'm not complete. I just want him near me.
This is similar to how I feel about God at times. When I feel distant from Him, it's not necessarily that I "need a word." I just need to know we still have an intimacy no words can express. I want to be able to close my eyes and relax just knowing He's near me. I don't need Him to say He loves me -- I already know it and just want to be still in that knowledge. I want to enjoy the peace of knowing I'm complete because He is mine and I am His. I just want HIM.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Overwhelmed
My due-in-three-months footlong son, Aidan, kicked me directly in the belly button this morning as I was lying in bed trying to decide if it would be worth it to crawl out from under the covers. I'll sound like a wimp here, but it kind of felt uncomfortable! Comical, yes, but still slightly uncomfortable.
My first reaction was to tell my husband (jokingly, of course) "his" son just kicked me, but as I looked down at my belly, I was hit by what is going on inside me. My child is living, growing and moving -- and I am the one he's completely dependent on. The thought is a little overwhelming. I have to admit, it took me a few more minutes to leave the warmth of my bed because I just wanted to enjoy the beauty of what is taking place (and because it was a little cool in my bedroom!).
As I allowed myself to enjoy my son, I began to think of how God must feel about me. And about you, too, but let's be honest -- I was really thinking about his unconditional, awe-inspiring love for ME.
I thought of the first six months of my pregnancy -- about how sick I've been, how many phone calls have been made to my doctor because I couldn't stop throwing up. I thought of the times I've cried because I was exhausted and unsure of my abilities as a mother. I thought of how excited I've been but how heavy the looming responsibility has felt to my tired body and mind.
Sort of makes me think -- how did God feel when He first decided to create me? I guess I sort of know. Psalm 139 says He formed my inner parts, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. It says His thoughts are precious toward me, that I can't count them!
But I wonder how He felt when He thought of the price I was going to cost. His son had to die for me a long time ago. Would I be worth it? I can answer that for myself -- NO. But God must have thought differently. He went through the agony and heartbreak of indescribable torture and death. Let me rephrase that -- He CHOSE to go through the agony and heartbreak of indescribable torture and death . . . For me.
He knew I would reject Him at times. I would break His heart with my actions. I would live, at times, as if He didn't matter and as if I just didn't care. He knew I would forget the pain He went through to prepare me for life -- and to prepare life for me. He knew I would ignore His tears and the hole in His heart where my innocence had been. He knew all this and more, but He still chose to create me. And He chose to give me the choice to love Him in return.
What immeasurable love. His is a love no words can describe, no actions can compare to. His is a love that has faced the test of centuries of time and has been unshakable. His sacrifices have been more than superficial offerings -- they have been staggering blows to His majesty and His power. His love has called Him to humble Himself before His very own creation! And I don't deserve it. I didn't earn it and I can never repay it. And He doesn't ask me to. He just wants me to return it.
I've heard there's no greater love than that of a mother -- and I'm beginning to understand that. But I've found it to be untrue. There's no greater love than that of the Father.
My first reaction was to tell my husband (jokingly, of course) "his" son just kicked me, but as I looked down at my belly, I was hit by what is going on inside me. My child is living, growing and moving -- and I am the one he's completely dependent on. The thought is a little overwhelming. I have to admit, it took me a few more minutes to leave the warmth of my bed because I just wanted to enjoy the beauty of what is taking place (and because it was a little cool in my bedroom!).
As I allowed myself to enjoy my son, I began to think of how God must feel about me. And about you, too, but let's be honest -- I was really thinking about his unconditional, awe-inspiring love for ME.
I thought of the first six months of my pregnancy -- about how sick I've been, how many phone calls have been made to my doctor because I couldn't stop throwing up. I thought of the times I've cried because I was exhausted and unsure of my abilities as a mother. I thought of how excited I've been but how heavy the looming responsibility has felt to my tired body and mind.
Sort of makes me think -- how did God feel when He first decided to create me? I guess I sort of know. Psalm 139 says He formed my inner parts, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. It says His thoughts are precious toward me, that I can't count them!
But I wonder how He felt when He thought of the price I was going to cost. His son had to die for me a long time ago. Would I be worth it? I can answer that for myself -- NO. But God must have thought differently. He went through the agony and heartbreak of indescribable torture and death. Let me rephrase that -- He CHOSE to go through the agony and heartbreak of indescribable torture and death . . . For me.
He knew I would reject Him at times. I would break His heart with my actions. I would live, at times, as if He didn't matter and as if I just didn't care. He knew I would forget the pain He went through to prepare me for life -- and to prepare life for me. He knew I would ignore His tears and the hole in His heart where my innocence had been. He knew all this and more, but He still chose to create me. And He chose to give me the choice to love Him in return.
What immeasurable love. His is a love no words can describe, no actions can compare to. His is a love that has faced the test of centuries of time and has been unshakable. His sacrifices have been more than superficial offerings -- they have been staggering blows to His majesty and His power. His love has called Him to humble Himself before His very own creation! And I don't deserve it. I didn't earn it and I can never repay it. And He doesn't ask me to. He just wants me to return it.
I've heard there's no greater love than that of a mother -- and I'm beginning to understand that. But I've found it to be untrue. There's no greater love than that of the Father.
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