My Husband's Better Than Yours

Maybe those are fighting words to some of you -- and they should be. I certainly intend for them to stir up at least some emotion on your part. But the sad truth remains that too often in our society, men and women alike belittle their spouses relentlessly.

In my case, I find myself using "a tone" with Mark -- and not a very nice one -- when I can't understand WHY he did something a particular way. In my vast wisdom, I see 100 better options for getting the job done. Or so I think.

For instance, Mark and I were trying to make a Christmas ornament for our friends. It was to be a gag gift, but that didn't matter to either of us. We wanted the ornament to be perfect. Mark began putting the ornament together in a way that made perfect sense to him. Because I didn't know his intentions, however, I judged his work by what I thought should be done. Before I thought about it, I asked, "You're doing it like that?" Not, "why are you doing it that way?" which still would have been inappropriate. Just a sarcastic question that should have been left unasked. After all, it really wasn't all that important.

Naturally, my tone upset Mark. I had used my words to make him feel inferior -- and it had worked. I immediately felt ashamed of myself, but the deed was done.

This is a scenario that gets played out too many times in my home. I'm not exactly sure why. The one thing I AM sure of is that I'm completely wrong.

Another way I see spouses putting each other down is by making each other the butt of a joke. I say "butt" because that is exactly what it is. Inevitably, humor at someone else's expense causes a terrible "smell" in a relationship. The "hearers" of the joke almost always think just a little less of the spouse being made fun of -- and the spouse who is making fun. After all, if I don't respect my spouse, why should anyone else? And the offended spouse may act as though the joke was funny, but deep inside one has to ask, "is this really what my husband/wife thinks about me?" And the damage is done.

I know a couple who rarely say anything truly positive about each other. The husband intentionally drags his wife into conversations (in public) which he KNOWS she has no idea about. Then when she asks a simple question, everyone else in the group will laugh. It's as though the husband finds some thrill in making his wife look stupid. Sometimes she doesn't understand what's going on, but there are other times when the look of hurt on her face is undeniable.

Before you feel too bad for the wife, though, let me say she has her share of flaws as well. I don't want anyone to recognize the couple I'm talking about, so I'll leave it at that. It just hurts me to see two people who supposedly love each other constantly tearing the other apart.

I think we as a society have forgotten that in marriage, a man and woman are no longer two separate beings. A man and his wife are ONE. Mark and I cannot be separated. If he hurts, I hurt. If he is happy, I am happy. So it just makes sense not to hurt each other. Doesn't it?

So I said all of that to say this: I challenge myself to post publicly at least one positive statement about Mark every day in 2009. I'll even take this challenge a step further and say, "I challenge you to say at least one positive thing about your spouse (or someone important to you if you aren't married) every day in 2009." Say it publicly. Make it a habit for the world to see. Build your spouse -- and, in consequence, yourself -- up on a daily basis. Just think what this one action can accomplish. I think it could be one of the keys to turning our marriages and society around and showing Christ to an ungodly world.