Overwhelmed

My due-in-three-months footlong son, Aidan, kicked me directly in the belly button this morning as I was lying in bed trying to decide if it would be worth it to crawl out from under the covers. I'll sound like a wimp here, but it kind of felt uncomfortable! Comical, yes, but still slightly uncomfortable.

My first reaction was to tell my husband (jokingly, of course) "his" son just kicked me, but as I looked down at my belly, I was hit by what is going on inside me. My child is living, growing and moving -- and I am the one he's completely dependent on. The thought is a little overwhelming. I have to admit, it took me a few more minutes to leave the warmth of my bed because I just wanted to enjoy the beauty of what is taking place (and because it was a little cool in my bedroom!).

As I allowed myself to enjoy my son, I began to think of how God must feel about me. And about you, too, but let's be honest -- I was really thinking about his unconditional, awe-inspiring love for ME.

I thought of the first six months of my pregnancy -- about how sick I've been, how many phone calls have been made to my doctor because I couldn't stop throwing up. I thought of the times I've cried because I was exhausted and unsure of my abilities as a mother. I thought of how excited I've been but how heavy the looming responsibility has felt to my tired body and mind.

Sort of makes me think -- how did God feel when He first decided to create me? I guess I sort of know. Psalm 139 says He formed my inner parts, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. It says His thoughts are precious toward me, that I can't count them!

But I wonder how He felt when He thought of the price I was going to cost. His son had to die for me a long time ago. Would I be worth it? I can answer that for myself -- NO. But God must have thought differently. He went through the agony and heartbreak of indescribable torture and death. Let me rephrase that -- He CHOSE to go through the agony and heartbreak of indescribable torture and death . . . For me.

He knew I would reject Him at times. I would break His heart with my actions. I would live, at times, as if He didn't matter and as if I just didn't care. He knew I would forget the pain He went through to prepare me for life -- and to prepare life for me. He knew I would ignore His tears and the hole in His heart where my innocence had been. He knew all this and more, but He still chose to create me. And He chose to give me the choice to love Him in return.

What immeasurable love. His is a love no words can describe, no actions can compare to. His is a love that has faced the test of centuries of time and has been unshakable. His sacrifices have been more than superficial offerings -- they have been staggering blows to His majesty and His power. His love has called Him to humble Himself before His very own creation! And I don't deserve it. I didn't earn it and I can never repay it. And He doesn't ask me to. He just wants me to return it.

I've heard there's no greater love than that of a mother -- and I'm beginning to understand that. But I've found it to be untrue. There's no greater love than that of the Father.